The love is the thing

“Every time your heart gets broken, breathe deep – it grows bigger as it mends.”
Caitlin Moran
 
I love this quote from Caitlin Moran. It’s from the Things Every Teenage Girl Should Know section of Moranifesto. She goes on to liken the scars of heartbreak with stretch marks – things you are proud to bear: “Skin and hearts tear to make great things. Don’t be afraid.”
 
I pull this quote close every time my heart gets broken, which is more often that not recently. It’s hard to know if you are feeling the same things, at the same strength as others. This is why I’ve always felt reassured talking to others about anything and everything, and encourage them to do the same. Sharing makes you feel normal. You can hide the pain, anxiety, worries and fear away, and never share. You get overcome by it, never knowing that your friend felt exactly the same when she had her baby, or that she has exactly the same worries about her child in school, or that actually work has dried up a bit at the moment for freelance marketers and yes clients can indeed take far too long to pay when you’re self employed… the list is endless.
 
Last week my heart broke often. It takes me a while to catch up on news so I listened to news reports of the Orlando shooting on Monday. I sobbed as Eddie Justice’s mother described the texts she received from her son in the bathroom; and more so when she described how proud she was of him.
 
The murder of Jo Cox hit me even deeper. However little involved I am in politics, this was a woman doing her job, something that she believed passionately in, the area where she grew up. Dedicating her life to helping refugees, combatting loneliness, generally breaking down the issues that divide us and making the world a better place. Watching the news, hearing the reactions of people in her constituency, thinking about the devastating impact that this will have on her children, her husband, her friends and family… Again I cried, and felt hurt and anger and dismay at the world.
 
But does everyone else feel the same? Through social media feeds, you got the feeling that they did. The outpouring of love and support for all the families affected by the week’s events was overwhelming and I, for one, was grateful for it. You didn’t feel like you were over-reacting, but hopefully, now, you were part of a force. Even if it is a just a force of sadness and love and compassion, in a few words on a screen that only a couple of people might read.
 
And Caitlin Moran is right. Just like teenage heartbreak, you might not ever get over these terrible, unjust, world-shaking events. You take them into your heart and they grow with you. Like all the little dramas and worries, you learn and develop, keeping the hurt as a souvenir and a reminder of your love. Because the love is the thing.